Respect Is Like Money: Some Demand It, Others Earn It

Respect is a universal value that we should all adopt unconditionally. However, there are also those who demand it for themselves without considering others, claiming a right that thus loses any aspect of empathy or emotional closeness. Because respect has nothing to do with restrictions, and if you aren’t able to offer it, you shouldn’t expect it either.

The etymology of words always has something wise to teach us. In this case, going back to the roots of the word “respect” we find “respectus”, deriving in turn from “respicere”, a term that means to regard, to have regard, but above all: “to enjoy such wisdom as to see things for what that I am “.

Without respect, everything is lost: love, honesty, integrity … Few values ​​are as essential as the ability to respect each other, with their differences and particularities.

We all know what it feels like when someone disrespects us. Injustices exist in any area : family, school, work, couple … It is important to try to reflect a little more on this term, because just as Kant said about it, respect goes hand in hand with dignity towards oneself and towards those around us.  

Respect always starts with oneself

Respect always starts with ourselves, because the higher our level of self-esteem, the more we will be able to respect others. It may seem obvious, we know, but that something is logical does not mean that it is then put into practice, just as it happens in this case.

• Having a positive attitude towards ourselves, recognizing our merits, and moreover, showing that we can act in accordance with our values ​​and needs.
• Respect for oneself means knowing that we have the right to be happy, to defend ourselves in the face of injustices, to have our spaces and to make our voices heard.
• It is also necessary to be aware that we deserve every single goal achieved, strengthening our self-esteem and, consequently, making us responsible for every triumph, every decision made and even every mistake made.

By understanding and internalizing these three aspects, we will be able to reach the awareness that those around us also deserve the same. Because those who are unable to respect themselves will feel nothing in the face of the pain of others.

Disrespect or inability to put yourself in others’ shoes

Erich Fromm deals with the subject of respect in an exhaustive way in his book “The art of loving”. According to the famous philosopher, humanist and psychoanalyst, this term cannot be associated with the words fear or imposition. When we respect another individual, it cannot be out of fear or submission, as happens in certain parent-child relationships – and sometimes even within couple dynamics.

Respect is not bought or sold, but neither is it given away: respect is earned.

Respect should be an act stemming from a sense of admiration: “ I respect you because I admire your way of being, because I feel close to you and I feel empathy towards you ”. Of course we are aware that this does not always happen; many times we are faced with situations of this type:

• There are those who attribute to their person all the value, the best attitudes, and for this they demand an almost reverential respect, minimizing the rights of others.
• Those who do not respect themselves, those who lack initiative and self-esteem, require others to show them respect in order to exercise power, to feed their ego and make up for their shortcomings. These are very destructive behaviors.

Respect means first of all accepting others for who they are, showing oneself sensitive to their needs. A person who lacks empathy and is unable to put himself in the shoes of others, will hardly be able to emotionally approach other people, demonstrating humility and tolerance.

It costs nothing to show respect, but it goes a long way

Respect for others is the noblest intrinsic value that can be exercised day after day. Well, just as already specified, it must never be given to others by enslavement or because it is imposed on us. Every sincere gesture must arise from the freedom of one’s heart, never from fear.

Respecting means tolerating thoughts other than one’s own, accepting that there are other ways of seeing the world and that each of them is equally legitimate. If we do not tolerate our children expressing their thoughts and taking their own initiatives, we will be opposing their personal growth. As a result, we will act with disrespect to them.

In turn, a couple founded on the values ​​of equality, honesty and complicity of the little things, will favor the creation of a healthy and above all happy relationship. Because there is respect, because there is harmony, the same that we should place in each person who enters our life or is found only passing through, as well as in each animal or in nature itself.

Because respect is the basis of nobility, it is a virtue that should always define the human race …

Images courtesy of Claudia Tremblay