Our Children Will Never Grow Up If We Always Let Them Win

Do you always let your children win? Even if you believe that you are always above them because you are older and have more experience, letting them win will give them false success. Perhaps your children have noticed this from time to time and have uttered phrases that have left you astonished, such as “Dad! Don’t let me win, play well ”. They are looking for the challenge you want them to dodge.

While it may seem silly, with this attitude you will prevent your child from growing, maturing and understanding that success is sometimes achieved and sometimes not. Likewise, it is very important that you learn to lose from an early age, because you don’t always win and knowing how to deal with both results will be very useful in the future.  

Do we let our children win for fear that they will be hurt?

Certainly in most cases we let our children win for fear of undermining their self-esteem, that they will feel bad and that they will be traumatized by a series of defeats. In reality, in this way we enhance this condition, without realizing it, and prevent them from living the great experience that is knowing defeat, having to improve and overcome to win.

The phrase “we must know how to lose” already says it, very truthful and which, applied to reality, allows us to overcome barriers, conflicts and problems that always arise when we do not expect it. All this, however, will not be possible if we always let our children win by pretending to lose. What can we do to not feel guilty because we always beat them?

One way is to give them an advantage, so we will make sure we are on the same level. We can also take into account the difficulty of the game. Some are not suitable for all ages, so it will be better to face them by collaborating, or forming a common front against another opponent, in order to act as a scaffolding for their learning. 

If our child discovers defeat, it will be an excellent opportunity for us to teach him how to deal with it. For example, we can convey to him that it is more important to enjoy the moment than to focus on the final result. In this way, in his eyes the ending will not be decisive and he will give priority to the feelings felt during the total duration of the experience.

The importance of knowing defeat

Children must know defeat in their battles, know how to face it with integrity and not succumb to it. In this way they will learn not to get angry with others by recognizing their effort and victory. On the other hand, when we lose, we learn a lot about how to do it better next time.

Knowing how to lose will allow the child not to interpret failures as a door that closes suddenly, but as an opportunity to improve, mature and grow in a certain aspect that has not yet developed. In this way, his tolerance to frustration will increase and, instead of letting himself be overwhelmed by adversity, he will be able to exploit them in his favor to come out stronger.

Without a doubt, losing the child will accept that he is partly responsible for what happens even when reality does not correspond to his expectations. It will be an opportunity not to blame others and not to believe that it is bad luck or luck that has interfered with the result, however much you want to believe it. In this way, he will see the error as an opportunity to amend and correct something that he has not done quite well or to change.

If we always let our children win, we will prevent them from learning from the experience of loss which, although it may seem negative a priori, is necessary. Sooner or later they will have to face difficult situations and if they have not learned to lose, how can we expect them to act with integrity, maturity and to be able to stand up to a defeat with more serious implications than a game?

Whether you lose or win, you always learn something. It is the path, in fact, that we must know how to exploit, since it is in it that we can find the true substance of teaching. Don’t be afraid to see your children sad because they have lost at a game. It is just that, a simple game, plus it will soon pass. By teaching them to accept the result with a sporting spirit, whatever it may be, you will lay very strong and solid foundations that will allow them to overcome any future obstacles.