Interpreting Silences: A Little Known Art

Interpreting silences is not easy. They don’t always have a meaning and, when they do, finding it requires security and knowledge of the other. That is why it is a true art that tests our insecurities, our inhibitions and our explicit or implicit desires.

Let’s start from the fact that you can’t always say everything; it is difficult to convey some personal emotions and experiences in words. There is no way to express them, so silence becomes a kind of communication full of contents.

In this article we will not analyze the silences that indicate the simple inability to communicate what you are feeling. Instead, we will talk about deliberate silences, or when one person would want answers from another but do not get them.

Interpreting the silences of those who do not want to speak becomes a completely different story. In these cases, silence is a form of communication that does not use words. The real question is: what to say?

Interpreting the silences of those who do not want to speak

First of all it must be considered that silences generate a situation that we could define asymmetrical. On the one hand, there is someone who wants the other person to express themselves, to give answers, to say something. On the other hand, there is someone who is silent and has the faculty to respond or not to that need to know. This, of course, gives the unresponsive person power over the other.

Remaining silent is good when keeping quiet is a way to take a moment to reflect or when, for example, trying to avoid an embarrassing situation. It is not, however, if it aims to ignore the needs of the other and to exploit the power given by silence to hide something.

For those who want to communicate it is not easy to interpret silences. In these cases, fears, insecurities and unsatisfied desires are more likely to emerge. Those who fear being rejected, for example, might interpret silence as a sign of rejection.

Or, those who want to be loved, might think that silence hides a strange way of reciprocating his affection. It is easy to delude oneself when a person is silent and does not communicate what they are feeling.

Silence as an expression of confusion

Silence often expresses only confusion. A person is asked about the answers he does not have at that moment. He doesn’t know how to answer, so he doesn’t use words for fear of conveying a misleading message.

In this case, insecurity and doubt prevail. It is not uncommon for this behavior to respond to the need not to “put one’s face on it”, not to respond to the acts performed. In those who remain silent, dualities emerge that prevent them from elaborating a coherent message.

Interpreting silences as rejection

Some silences are meant to communicate rejection. To keep quiet in these cases indicates a lack of desire to communicate. Questions are not answered because there is no interest in having a conversation.

These silences are common when a person wishes to be in a relationship with another but the latter is not interested. In this case , silence is a way to interrupt contact and prevent unwanted appointments from being asked. Silence is also used when one person cannot meet another’s requests.

To say and not to say

Interpreting silences becomes a double-edged sword when we let silences populate with ghosts. In these cases there is a need for empathy. You have to try to understand the other from his point of view, put yourself in his place and understand what he wants to express when he is silent. We will never have an exact answer, but we can get a general idea.

It is important to keep in mind that everyone has the right to speak or remain silent if they wish. Talking, however, is healthy, especially in conflict situations.

When faced with problematic situations, it is advisable to seek and find the words that can best express what we think and feel. We need to take a position, as clear as possible, and communicate it. Finally, if we don’t have an answer, the best thing we can do is say so.