How To Recover A Relationship That Shouldn’t Have Ended?
There are times when we feel that a relationship has ended prematurely. Something inside of us screams that there was still room for maneuver and that our ex probably thinks and feels the same too. However, we don’t know how to step back and put the pieces back together. Indeed, dealing with such circumstances is never easy.
On other occasions we have simply admitted that the other no longer wanted to be with us, even though we still loved him. But other times we know we have enough willpower and vigor to rekindle the flame (or at least try). Ultimately, every love story has its ups and downs. We don’t always love our partner with the same intensity, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t enough wood to rekindle the fire.
These situations tend to be confusing, in general there are a lot of feelings that get mixed up. There is interest in moving forward, but there is also the fear of being rejected. There is the conviction of wanting to put the story back on track, but there are also doubts about the real feasibility of the thing. It is also not easy to know or predict what our ex thinks or feels. How to act, then? Here are some suggestions.
Don’t beg for love from your ex
This is one of the mistakes made most often and, at the same time, one of the least effective strategies for winning back your ex. Believe that, if you tell him how much you miss him, how useless you feel without him / her, something will snap in his heart and he will decide to get back with you. In fact, the opposite usually happens.
By begging for love, you will only lose his respect. Who can appreciate someone unable to stand when left alone? How to feel love for someone who apparently doesn’t even love himself? It is as if you are looking for a job and your only argument for getting it is “I need it”.
With such an attitude, you will make the other feel “overloaded”: they may feel guilty or see you as an unnecessary burden and anxiety. If he feels compassion, he may come back with you for the weight of guilt, but you will have lost him forever.
Give him a chance to miss you
If the story ended, things certainly weren’t going very well. When there is still love after a breakup, the normal reaction is to want to get back together. More than a reasoned decision, it is an almost instinctive impulse. Don’t get carried away by anxiety and give it time and time.
Time will allow both you and your ex to explore life on their own. It is clear that you will miss him, especially in the beginning. Nostalgia is normal, but it is not a good reason to rush to find the person who has strayed. You will see that, as the days go by, you will be able to deal with the situation with a milder transport.
If that doesn’t happen, if instead of subsiding, the despair in you increases, it’s time to reflect. Is it really love that unites you to your ex or is it a strong addiction? The impossibility of living without him / her is a sign that there is something else underneath this great love.
Strengthen yourselves and encourage dialogue
Now that you have time, dedicate it to yourself. Think back to everything you enjoyed doing without having to be accompanied by a partner. Recover friendships, develop your skills and enjoy your solitude. Add something new to your life, such as a hobby, habit, or something that is not related to your immediate past.
If this proves impossible, it could be a wake-up call that you probably see your ex as a pillar you don’t want to give up. Perhaps what you need is not to return to him / her, but to admit that you are indebted to yourself. In these cases, it is typical that the other is just a tool for hiding unresolved conflicts within you, which have nothing to do with him.
Take advantage of the distance to reflect serenely on the reasons that led to the end of the relationship. The reasons that are not said directly are almost always the most important ones. Examine your own mistakes and those of the other. At first it will all seem very confusing, but with a little effort, things will become clearer.
When you feel strong enough and feel that you are living fulfillingly without your ex, then it will be time to try a date, if you really want to. It sounds like a contradictory mechanism, but it’s actually the healthiest. Approach and honestly assess whether that person’s part is showing interest. If so, maybe it’s time to rekindle the flame.
