Giving Everything And Being Asked For More: The Drama Of Being The Best

Being the best at something isn’t always as good as it sounds. Those who stand out in a certain activity may end up being rejected by others, become the object of ridicule or even abuse. Everyone will have met very studious boys who excel at school and who, instead of being admired for it, end up being bullied by their peers.

Unfortunately, it is clear that those who achieve great success are not always supported by the people around them. Conversely, he sometimes draws on himself the envy of others, which is expressed through criticism or the minimization of what he does. These people may even risk being exploited and used by others for their own interests.

In history there have been numerous cases of great men and women who were the best in their field and who, at the same time, had to endure loneliness and rejection from their contemporaries. But why does this phenomenon occur? Can anything be done to change it?

When being the best involves free obligations

Adriana worked in an educational center for abandoned children. She put a lot of effort into her job, which is why at the end of her first year she was given some disconcerting news: she would be assigned another 30 children to take care of on her own. “She is the best teacher, we are sure she will make it!” But they wouldn’t raise her salary or give her any incentives. His reward was a punishment.

This also happens in family life. If the older brother is better at drawing, his parents are likely to ask him to help the younger siblings do theirs and the same happens with languages, maths or Italian. If the younger sibling is the most reliable, he will spend the rest of his life taking on the commitments that require the most responsibility.

It is a situation that mothers also frequently suffer in their daily life. Often women work both outside and inside the house, they take care of their children, they always have everything ready when it is necessary … And if one day they make a mistake, everyone complains. We take it for granted that mom has to do everything, perfectly and on time. His commitment and dedication only get further demands.

The rejection of the best

Even within the study there are singular behaviors towards the best. Often they are told that they are “brains”, and this adjective is used almost as an insult, instead of being a virtue. If the best in class doesn’t help all of his peers, he generates deep rejection. If, on the other hand, he helps them, he runs the risk of becoming the laughingstock exploited by all. It is as if there is never a way out.

In the workplace, things are not that different. Those who know more or are better at something must always be available and ready to collaborate with those who need it. If he doesn’t, others will label him as a nasty one and he will end up being discriminated against and isolated.

All this does not happen only to the most intelligent or the most skilled. Even the most responsible people often do the work that would actually be someone else’s or an entire group’s turn. The most understanding automatically have the task of managing all conflicts and are the shoulder on which everyone goes to cry. The bravest must always carry out the most dangerous tasks, as if they were immune. And, if any of these people do not do what is expected of them, they will be accused of  selfishness.

Is there a way out?

Of course, being the best at something isn’t always plain sailing. Having above-average skills, abilities or knowledge comes with a lot of responsibilities, and what’s more, many people take advantage of this to delegate their duties to someone who knows more, can do more, or wants to do more.

So much so that some of the people who always try to do everything right and who never refuse to help someone or do a task for them end up feeling guilty if one day they decide not to. They learn to take it for granted that it is their duty to compensate for the shortcomings and limitations of others. And, so, they end up taking on too many responsibilities, developing a level of self-need that can be truly destructive.

The way out is to learn to set limits. Every gift that has been given to us in life is there to be shared, but each of us also has a responsibility to compensate in other ways for the favors they do us or the help they have given us. Being better at something shouldn’t just burden us with additional obligations and responsibilities; it must also be rewarded with gratitude and consideration.

Images courtesy of SurrealismBlack and Al Stephert