Forgiveness Means Understanding, Not Justifying
The ability to forgive has always been seen as a virtue. Some people find it particularly difficult to make a clean sweep and forget the wrongs they have suffered. Others, however, are able to forgive any injustice suffered by others … How to find a balance?
Knowing how to forgive does not imply forgetting the wrongs suffered by others without paying attention to your own feelings. It is important to learn to leave the grudge behind, without finding justifications where there are none. Read on to find out how to use forgiveness to the right extent and improve your emotional well-being!
The virtue of forgiving begins with ourselves
Learning to forgive does not mean letting go of whatever they do to us, but rather preventing the initial anger and annoyance from turning into resentment and spreading discomfort in our life and in the relationship with the person who hurt us. In fact, forgiving helps us to detach ourselves from the past, but by making decisions that protect us in the future from what has made us suffer.
We often think about forgiving others without, however, having made the habit of forgiving ourselves. The truth is, no one is perfect. Although it may seem atypical, we all make mistakes. It is important to understand this, as we often tend to demand of ourselves things that go beyond what is possible, generating in us feelings of frustration, anxiety or anger.
Recognizing human beings is the first step in learning to forgive ourselves. But there is one more step we can take: if we have committed an action that we believe to be wrong, we can stop ruminating and seek, rather, a solution.
The secret is to get out of the spiral of thoughts that relegates us to a dead end and look for a much more adaptive way of dealing with the problem. Therefore, there are two alternatives: to remedy what we have done or, if there is no remedy, to think about what we can do to avoid making the same mistake in the future.
Forgiveness means accepting that others make mistakes too
Aware of not being perfect, the time comes to project the same concept onto others. We often find it easier to justify our mistakes than those of the people around us. The fact is that the same level of demand that we impose on ourselves, we apply it to other people as well.
So, therefore, we expect things from others that they cannot always accomplish. Understanding that others are under no obligation to meet our expectations is critical to learning to forgive those we feel are their mistakes. Just like when we get angry with ourselves, it is important to try to leave any grudge behind.
Again, pausing to think about what the person in question has done to us will not be of any help. If something bothers us, we must try to understand the reasons that led that person to behave like this. For this purpose, it may be useful to have a conversation about it to try to find a solution to what happened.
Forgiveness does not mean that everything is justifiable
Well, this certainly does not mean forgiving all behavior. It is important to give weight to our rights and needs. By automatically and always forgiving the wrongs suffered, we will jeopardize our well-being and hinder the process of self-affirmation.
In these cases, learning to listen to our emotions will make clear the path to take. This will be how we will learn to set a limit and defend our own rights.
To learn not to forgive everything, it is important to reflect on what has been done to us and what made us get angry. By doing so, we will be able to attribute responsibility for what happened to whoever belongs to it.
It is not a question of looking for a culprit, but of distributing to each one what is due to him. Before forgiving others blindly, it is good to reflect on their behavior and what we expected or would have liked to receive. It is therefore a question of finding a balance between our needs and those of others. Let’s learn to forgive!
