Finding Excuses: The Tireless Habit Of Many People

There are people who seem to have a degree in excuse-seeking. They find fabulous justifications for any carelessness, task, failure or for not keeping their word. They seem to have no difficulty in finding pretexts and justifications. In addition to having childish behavior, they show a clear irresponsibility towards life. In this article we will tell you about the tireless habit of many people to find excuses for everything.

The famous French writer Stendhal said that those who apologize accuse themselves. It is a great truth, as this attitude above all highlights a type of self-deception with which to safeguard one’s self-esteem or deeper realities that one does not want to accept, such as indecision, insecurity, immaturity or even fear.

Understanding what lies behind such a personality will be of great help. Not only to be able to manage these people, but also, as far as possible, to find adequate strategies to make them aware of the effects of their behavior.

Finding excuses: the art of lying, procrastinating and trapping the brain

The habit of making excuses begins in childhood. Already at school, kids are able to come up with imaginative excuses to justify why they haven’t done their homework. And even at home they are clever and brilliant at inventing excuses to justify neglecting their homework, responsibilities and letting others fall for their shortcomings. Nobody points out this attitude to them and, little by little, making excuses becomes a way to survive.

Almost without realizing it, they become artisans of self-deception and lies, great procrastinators, postponing to the year after what they should have done yesterday. In their little universe everything has a justification and if others don’t understand, they get angry and scold them with phrases like: “You don’t trust me”, “You never believe me”, etc.

It is important to understand that someone who is used to making excuses is not a happy person. She is far from being comfortable with herself. An excuse is used when one feels threatened, when one’s skills are questioned, when a mistake, neglect or wrong behavior comes to light. The excuse is a defense mechanism to mask weaknesses and inconsistencies.

Excuses that hurt and limit

Excuses confine the brain to the cellar of fear. Anyone who uses them in all circumstances is limiting their growth, their responsibilities, their life and their human potential. Those who get used to making excuses are as if they are infected with a virus that makes them sick and prevents them from making a change and taking care of themselves in a mature way.

“I couldn’t finish the relationship because my computer caught a Trojan”, “I didn’t go to the job interview because the train broke down and I couldn’t move”, “I know I told you we were going to take a trip, but now I have to help my parents ”. Behind these excuses lies something that goes beyond a simple lack of honesty. It is the fear of facing certain realities that, instead, should be faced for one’s well-being, one’s dignity and one’s happiness.

Why do people tend to find excuses?

Making excuses is the easiest way to resolve any situation. For example, if we have forgotten an important appointment, it is easier to blame fate and find the cause of our forgetfulness in something external to us: a car breakdown, a sudden illness that forces us to stay in bed, etc. Let’s see which psychological dimensions concretely define this behavior:

• Better to postpone than to face (procrastination as a defense mechanism). If something requires a lot of effort on our part, we prefer to postpone it until tomorrow. For people who are constantly looking for excuses, before dealing with what makes them insecure, the best thing to do is to put off as much as possible.

• Safety and comfort above all else (the fear factor). The person used to making excuses always lives in his comfort zone. Everything outside is secondary or even threatening.

How can we help people change the habit of making excuses?

As we have seen, the roots of the bad art of making excuses often find fertile ground in the fear and insecurity of those who want to safeguard their ego and comfort zone. Sometimes an excuse is nothing more than a lie, a petty strategy with which to hide certain realities.

Whatever the reason, even if we sometimes resort to making excuses for not going through a change, there are a few things to keep in mind. Reflecting on these aspects can be very helpful.

How to stop the apology mechanism

• Whenever someone uses an excuse, it’s important to point it out. We must confront and invite the person to be sincere, especially with himself.

• Respectfully, the person should be pointed out that an apology is a lie told to themselves. For example, when faced with the sentence: “I didn’t go to the job interview because I missed the subway”, it would be appropriate for the person to say “I didn’t go to that job interview because I can’t accept a new refusal”.

• If excuses are your lifesaver, jump into the water and learn to swim. Many people resort to the most imaginative justifications for not addressing what they fear and keep putting off. If someone wants to be respected and, above all, to feel good about themselves, they must put aside excuses and act, confront each other, solve problems, try to change …

We have all used excuses on more than one occasion and we know how difficult it is to totally get rid of them. Let us therefore try to be patient with those who still use them and wait for them to stop using them. After all, they are still trying to free themselves from a ballast or a heavy load.