7 Teachings Of Walter Riso

When I met Walter Riso, I was 17. I remember that I was going through a delicate love phase and I came across the book The Limits of Love , which helped me to open my eyes to different aspects of my personal life and to realize the infinity of mistakes I was making both with the my partner is with myself.

I had totally absorbed the hyper-romantic ideas they sell to us, but I have learned that in most cases this causes more suffering than anything else.

Walter Riso, in addition to being an esteemed writer, is also a psychologist specialized in the cognitive branch, popularizer and trainer of therapists.

After reading one of his books, I fell in love with his other works, about twenty published books, and today he is one of the authors who has most influenced me. In this article I will try to report some of Walter Riso’s teachings that can help you on a personal and professional level, just as they made me think.

Get rid of attachment

Riso teaches us that attachment is an obsessive bond with someone or something. When we attach ourselves, we tend to believe that that person or object will make us completely happy, give us security, and make sense of our life.

In reality this is a false idea, the result of excessive romanticism that can lead a person to suffer from pathological jealousy, emotional dependence, lack of identity.

There are several ways to tell if we are attached to something or someone:

• Evaluating whether our desire is insatiable or not : if we are never satisfied and we need more and more, then we suffer from attachment.
• If we have lost self-control : if we are no longer masters of ourselves and our behavior, then we are slaves to attachment.
• If being without that object or that person causes us intense malaise.

• If we continue to attach ourselves to something or someone, even knowing that it is harmful or harmful to us.

Distinguish being from having

One of the secrets to growing as people is to value ourselves for who we are, for our values, for our principles, for our essence and not for what we possess.

When we value ourselves based on what we have, we place our happiness on the outside, therefore, we will always be dependent on it. We must be aware that we are more than what we have and that our worth depends on who we are.

Distinguish the ideal self from the real self

Our insecurity always arises from the distance between the ideal self and the real self. The real self is what we are, while the ideal self is what we would like to be.

The problem is that many times the real ego appears distorted, we tend to punish ourselves, focusing only on our faults without being able to see also the merits. On the other hand, we also tend to create unrealistic and overly demanding goals, so the distance between the real and the ideal ego becomes even more accentuated.

Don’t confuse love with obsession

“I only think of you”, “Everything knows about you”, “I cannot live without you” are signs that denote obsession and not love, and when there is obsession, love comes to an end.

It is necessary for lovers to understand that they must live each other, be enthusiastic together, without depending on each other, without losing their own identity. We are individuals who have decided to bond with a person and one day we could dissolve this bond.

Being similar to triumph in love

The saying “opposites attract” hides more myths than truth. What is certain is that similarities are essential for the relationship between two people to work. Obviously we are talking about a basic similarity, as regards the way of thinking, values, beliefs and essence and not superficial things such as personal tastes or passions.

Fall in love with yourself first

Society teaches us that you have to sacrifice yourself and take care of others before yourself. Walter Riso, on the other hand, insists that we are the point of reference.

We must learn to have self-love and for this we need the four legs of the table: a right consideration of ourselves, without self-punishment, without imposing on us unattainable goals; a positive image of ourselves, based on our criteria and not those imposed by society; have resources available to achieve the goals and success we have set ourselves and a good dose of self-confidence.

Make friends with emotional loneliness

They wanted to sell us the idea that being alone means being incomplete and based on this we felt sorry when we saw someone alone in the cinema or having a coffee. However, loneliness is not so bad, loneliness allows you to be with yourself, to develop new ideas, to have absolute freedom.

Loneliness, in reality, can only hurt when we think that our personal fulfillment depends on having a partner by our side. This is a misconception, perpetuated by the society we live in. Consequently, it is good to spend a few moments in the company of ourselves, even if we have a boyfriend or girlfriend, we must live solitude and make friends, without fear.