Understanding The Fear Of Love (philophobia)
There are many forms of phobia, such as emetophobia (fear of vomiting), phagophobia (fear of eating or drinking, especially present in small children), gynophobia (fear of women) or, again, nictophobia (fear of darkness ). However, one of the most curious and least known is philophobia, or the fear of love.
Everyone recognizes that the act of falling in love is a way of living an exciting experience, one that fills with life and optimism, but for those who suffer from this pathology it is not.
Philophobia is a disorder that derives from anxiety and means “fear of love” (from the Greek thread = love, phobia = fear). Although the causes are not known exactly, it seems that they can be related to past love affairs that have left a deep and painful scar in the individual, such as a divorce or a painful separation, experienced in a traumatic way.
It can also derive from the fact that the person has been used to being alone for a long time, so the new situation scares him or that he has also suffered from emotional deficiencies in childhood. As they themselves admit, the situation is bigger than they are.
When the person in question feels that he can relive a similar situation, he freezes, experiences an irrepressible fear that prevents him from starting the new relationship. When she feels that she is falling in love, panic strikes her and so she rejects the situation, many times confusing the partner with whom she was starting the courtship, who in front of the flight of this one feels rejected, sorry and, depending on his level of self-esteem , it can also come to feel unwanted or unloved.
The problem is that a person with philophobia cannot avoid these distressing feelings when facing the person they are attracted to: dizziness, vomiting, nausea, tremors, panic attacks and the desire to escape are some of the most common manifestations. , of course, depending on the person. Faced with this, the person wants nothing more than to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Those who suffer from philophobia suffer a lot and refuse to live one of the most rewarding experiences for the human being: falling in love and living love.
How does a person suffering from philophobia act in the field of love? She tends to look for any kind of defect in the individual who attracts her, tends to look for impossible loves or to choose people who already know at first that they will abandon her. All this to justify herself to herself and to others regarding the fact that, if she is not with anyone, it is because she does not find the right person.
But does philophobia have a treatment? Specialists indicate that the first thing to do is to recognize that you are suffering from it and to deal with the situation without running away. Living the present without thinking about the future, learning that taking risks is part of life, that every love relationship is unique and unrepeatable, that it is likely that unique experiences are being lost, that usually the consequences are less than we imagined or that in life we they are phases and, now that love has knocked on our door, we have to say yes. This while keeping aware that the latter can last a lifetime or not, but without hindering the fun just because you are afraid.
These are the keys to overcoming philophobia. It is also important to inform family members or partners of this problem, without shame or fear, by contacting a psychologist if you are unable to resolve the situation on your own.
Only by living do we learn and enjoy life, so if you stay in the waiting room, you will never have any experience, good or bad. If you manage to overcome your phobia you will feel much better about yourself, your self-esteem will grow and you will probably be happier. Overcoming obstacles and barriers makes us stronger and braver.
Image courtesy of denatalia_maroz
