Healing The Past To Appreciate The Present

Healing the past to appreciate the present isn’t always easy. The past always accompanies us: yesterday’s baggage is present in every particle of our being, it dissolves in thought, it insinuates itself in every limiting attitude, in every fear and sleepless night. Although it is impossible to forget everything we have experienced, we can face it to learn to live with it without feeling pain.

Goethe states that the day is too long for those who do not know how to appreciate or use it. It is true, even more so when anguish and despair take over, perhaps as a result of a trauma or a negative experience lived in the past that prevents us from appreciating the present.

Memory and memories can sometimes be obsessive, because, like it or not, we have a tendency to remember what hurt us so much, what disappointed us and what overwhelmed us without warning and that we didn’t know how to deal with. Everyone, some more and some less, we have experienced events that have had a great emotional impact.

There are people who, faced with the same circumstances, manage to overcome what they have experienced without great consequences. Others, on the other hand, carry with them an enormous weight that they cannot manage, that they swallow and drag along without knowing what to do. We don’t all react the same to adversity, it’s true, but we can all give ourselves a new opportunity to heal the past and appreciate the present.

Ways to heal the past

When we talk about the need to heal the past, we are referring to many things. Traumas take on infinite forms and have infinite origins. Sometimes, the mere fact of having coped for a long time in a stressful situation (for example working in precarious conditions) has serious consequences on our psyche.

For example, there are present sufferings that derive from very specific events that occurred in the past, such as the death of a relative. Other times, this pain is the result of ongoing stress, such as that experienced by someone living in a difficult neighborhood or that experienced by a bullied child during the school year.

Be that as it may, the need to heal the past to appreciate the present and make it dignified and satisfying is essential. A study carried out by Dr. Marylene Coitre of the New York School of Medicine highlighted the fact that if we have suffered some kind of trauma in the past and have not yet overcome it, post-traumatic stress could have very invasive consequences. This vulnerability will make us weaker in the face of any new adverse events (emotional breakdowns, job loss, etc.).

Talk about the past yes, but with the right people

Many people think that to overcome what hurts, it must be removed. On the contrary, you have to share it, talk about it, let off steam.

• However, we must understand that not everyone will be able to understand what we have experienced. Sometimes sharing what hurts with certain people tends to make the situation worse. We need to know who to talk to.

• Of course, we can turn to a specialized professional for these cases. A psychologist will know how to understand us and offer us concrete help, precious and capable of generating in us the change we desire.

• On the other hand, it is also useful to be able to talk to people who have experienced the same situation or who have had similar experiences to ours. This is a great way to feel that we are not alone on this journey, that there are others who have experienced the same and gone through it.

Redefine the role of victim, be resilient and let go of resentment

It is clear, for example, that in every abusive relationship there is an aggressor and a victim. In these cases, some children are bullied, some workers suffer from mobbing, and populations affected by a natural disaster lose everything they have. After going through these traumatic experiences, the victim has two options.

• The first is to assume the role of a lifelong victim. But the fact of not reacting, of being blocked by suffering, will never help us heal the past. We must say no to being a victim of circumstances.

• The second option is to take an active attitude towards ourselves. To achieve this, there is nothing better than taking a resilient attitude, accepting what we have experienced and suffered but allowing us to move forward to become stronger and able to face both the present and the future.

We also need to remember one thing: hate doesn’t help. The accumulated resentment and the eternal question of “why me” do nothing but make us feel like prisoners. We need to reconsider these emotions and get rid of them if we are to heal the past and appreciate the present.

Prevent anxiety from overwhelming us to heal the past

Post-traumatic stress often leads to anxiety disorders. It is normal for trauma to end up resulting in panic attacks in many cases, in situations in which we gradually lose control over ourselves. To heal the past, one must learn to manage anxiety. Because it is she who takes us back to the past that hurts, she who immobilizes us, who does not make us sleep, who tires us and gives us headaches.

In these cases, learning the techniques of breathing, relaxation and stress and anxiety management will be of great help. We therefore do not hesitate to ask for advice from a specialist if we need it.

To conclude, Don Ramón Gómez de la Serna says that all the mirrors of the past have drowned in rivers. Yesterday he is gone, he is carried away by the current of life, and even if there are reflections of the things that hurt us, it is our duty to stop looking at them. Because it is in the present that opportunities shine, it is in the here and now that authentic commitment to ourselves is born. Let’s not waste it: let’s learn to heal the past.