The Psychological Traits Of The Abuser
Psychologists and psychiatrists doubt that maltreatment is the consequence of a disease, but they are inclined to consider an explanation that has to do with a different system, namely an abuse of power or domination that affects society.
An abuser usually begins by tormenting the victim, reducing their freedom, isolating them from their family and social environment, weakening their self-esteem, blocking them and undermining their perception of security, making them little by little dependent.
“He gets angry when I go out with my friends”, “he tells me I don’t have to wear too much makeup”, “he doesn’t like me wearing a very short skirt”, “he doesn’t want me to talk to my male co-workers” are the phrases more common among women who suffer psychological abuse by the partner.
Taking her back, treating her like a child, considering her useless or clumsy, causing her to change her way of being or dressing are other forms of abuse.
Usually the abuser also abuses his power, be it financial or physical, and manages to make the woman feel guilty for her way of speaking, thinking and acting. The problem of guilt is very common and can also lead to the so-called “Stockholm Syndrome”, in which situations that can create conflicts or discussions are avoided in order not to argue or even separate.
Typically the cycle of maltreatment begins in the infancy of the abuser himself, in many cases, or with some trauma that affected him during his early life up to adolescence. The abuser may have lived in an environment filled with physical or mental violence and have had to experience fear, abandonment, retaliation, over-control, beatings and more.
The characteristics of the abuser
These are the main characteristics of a person who embodies the profile of the abuser, the perpetrator or the beater.
– Possessive, dominant and demanding : one of the first actions he takes is to want to remove the victim from family and friends. Like? Speaking badly of them, making them feel uncomfortable in public, wanting to drive tears in arguments or problems. This transforms the victim’s personality, deprives her of external support and makes her dependent. With the use of violence, the abuser exercises absolute power over everything he does, thinks and feels, even in the most intimate part of his being.
– Self – centered : the world must always revolve around him, but he never admits it. He does what he likes at all times (the movie, the restaurant, the vacation spot, the outings) otherwise he gets irritated. The woman is simply a satellite that has to move around him, depending on what he wants and being there to please him. Everything has to be under her control and if she desires some independence, she will show her more violent sides.
– Negative nature : tantrums like children, scenes, outbursts, threats, cheeks, quarrels and so on. Everything is always justified by the fault of the other, not by internal reasons. He will say that this attitude puts him in a bad mood, that this response is the cause of his anger and a long list of other reasons.
– Ridicule or humiliate publicly : at a family dinner or with friends, you will not mind showing others your partner’s faults. “Don’t you think I’m a little overweight?”, “He’s always wrong”, “he can’t cook meat the way I like it”, “it’s messy” and so on.
He does this to keep the woman in check, insulting, denigrating and hurting her. Consequently, trust is destroyed and only mistakes are thought about. He will no longer rejoice in progress or successes and will downplay any accomplishments. Personal shortcomings will come to light at the expense of virtues, so that he has the feeling that he is always doing everything wrong.
– Paranoid control freak : he thinks that others want to take advantage of him, his money, his power, his money, his knowledge, his experience. He has an obsessive need to control his partner every day through questions aimed at looking for contradictions.
The abuser constantly monitors the movements of his victim wanting to know where he is, with whom he meets, at what time he returns, what he does or does not do, with whom he speaks, why he delays a few minutes, etc. See the other person as his property, an object, not a person with a life of his own.
– Violent and aggressive : he gradually starts breaking plates, furniture or glass, hitting walls, pulling objects on the ground or against the person. If you get to this point it is good to file a complaint and flee immediately, not to give him more opportunities.
It seems easy to do, but it is not because the abuser keeps the victim “tied up” in different ways with a great psychological burden. However, if several of these points sound familiar to you, you have a problem that you need to resolve before it is too late.
