The Emperor Syndrome: Child Tyrants

The behaviors that children have towards their parents continue to amaze us: disrespect, raise their voices and insults, but not only. Authority passes from the hands of the parents to the fingers of the children.

It almost seems that the roles have reversed. It is no longer just the parents who set the rules and impose the punishments, because now it is the children who have all the authority.

What happened? What is the cause of this change? Since it was decided that any “spanking on the butt” or “pulling of the ears” is maltreatment, parents have been intimidated and children have seen this as an effective technique for manipulating their parents.

This parental submission is not at all healthy for children, who  grow up with a hostile attitude towards their family and with an authoritarian idea that, sooner or later, will make them pay a heavy price.

The emperor syndrome: in the head of the authoritarian child

A child who has the Emperor’s Syndrome always chooses what to eat, what people need to do, when to exit, where the family goes on vacation, what to watch on TV … In short, it is he who gives the orders, such laws and controls both on himself and on others.

Why does all this happen? Because these children have underdeveloped empathy. This means that they are unable to experience the emotions and feelings that allow us to put ourselves in the shoes of others.

If the parents do not do what the authoritarian child dictates and orders, they have to endure his tantrums, his stomping and, in some cases, his assaults. This is how one becomes more of an authoritarian child, he turns into a real dictator. It is very easy to understand if a child is affected by the “Emperor’s Syndrome”, because it has the following characteristics:

• He has a personality with the typical traits of self-centeredness.
• He has a low tolerance for frustration.
• He cannot control himself or even manage his feelings and emotions.
• He does not tolerate that his own needs are not met.
• He knows the weaknesses of others.
• He is adept at psychologically manipulating others.

Once all these characteristics are recognized, parents are likely to find themselves wondering why they are not doing anything to resolve the situation, especially when they see that the circumstances have reached the end. There are many television shows that show this terrible behavior. Why don’t parents act accordingly? Because they are afraid, but, above all, because they have allowed their children to subdue them.

The importance of educating children

For reasons we do not understand, there are some parents who impose a passive and very relaxed upbringing, which, at times, facilitates the transformation of these children into authoritarian beings. This is not only a source of problems at home, but also at school. How can professors handle such authoritarian personalities?

These children don’t know what respect, forgiveness is … they don’t have the faintest idea where their place is. Because of this, they become difficult people, with no goal in life other than to have everyone at their mercy. Parents have chosen to passively educate their children, without considering the consequences with which, sooner or later, they will have to deal.

We know that educating a child is a difficult, complicated task that requires great effort and energy that, at times, we do not have or do not want to have. However, when we decide to have children, this is one of the first sacrifices we accept to make. We take responsibility for educating them, which involves an inevitable effort.

When they are still small, we believe we have time to remedy that attitude of theirs, and therefore we forget about it. The problem arises when adolescence arrives and we find ourselves enveloped in a chasm of contradictory actions that can lead to aggression. This step towards maturity is taken in an environment that they consider “correct”. And in the meantime, they are wasting their time believing they are enjoying life, but in reality they are losing precious moments.

This is why it  is so important as parents to commit to teaching our children the value of effort, so that they know that it is important to be responsible and respectful towards others.

Establishing limits is necessary. Parents raise people who, one day, will have to live with the world and of whom they must be proud. If they don’t care, they certainly will never see a change.

Bossy children will hit their heads multiple times until they learn their lesson, but they won’t understand why no one has ever helped them by educating them from the start.

Images courtesy of Nicoletta Ceccoli, Iván Alfaro